I’m going to keep this short, because I only have 56 minutes of battery left on my laptop and still have about 100 emails I want to write today.

If you want to get work done, and are having a hard time controlling your focus (Facebook), keeping yourself from being distracted (Twitter), or hurdling any of the other hurdles between you and what you need to do today (Taylor Swift’s instagram account), take your laptop to a coffee shop and leave your charger at home.

Yes, leave your charger at home

No, it won’t work if you just “keep it in my bag — I’ll pretend I don’t have it.” You don’t have the self control to squeeze the precious droplets of raw energy in your battery into productive Super Juice, or you wouldn’t be reading this to begin with.

Go somewhere that has what you need to work

You probably need at least a table and a chair. Do you need wi-fi? If not, don’t go somewhere with wi-fi. Do you need caffeine? Who am I kidding? You need caffeine. Go somewhere with caffeine.

Grab your laptop, forget the charger, and leave. Don’t look back. Don’t you dare look back. And go far away from home. Make it a pain to get to wherever you’re going and the trip will serve as a moat between lazy “I’m pretending to work” Land and efficient “This shit is getting done right and fast right now” Land.

Fear of Missing Out?

I publish sporadically, aiming for quality of quantity. Would you like me to send you an email every once in awhile with new entries to Better Humaning, and other tasty morsels?

The best way to maximize the effectiveness of this time is to use public transportation (yes, especially if yours is terrible and slow) or ride a bicycle (unicycle is better, harder) or walk (barefoot, on hot coals), then use the travel time to your HARD WORK NO PLAY DUNGEON as prep time.

Prepare to use every minute intentionally

Your battery is going to die soon. DIE. You’re going to kill it. Make its life worthwhile. Don’t let it die in vain. Preparation is key here. Think about the following questions:

  • What tasks do I need to get done? Today. Right now. If this were the last battery charge you’d ever get, what work is most important. Hypothetical: what if, instead of your battery were to die, you were the one dying? Actual: that was way too intense — forget that hypothetical, please. Literal: but it’s true.
  • How am I going to do them? What programs do you need, what websites will you need to access, how many henchmen should you have hired? Break them down into little baby tasks. Use your battery life to slay those babies [tasks].
  • What order am I going to do them in? Within what needs to be done, what needs to be done most. Remember, the last one might not get the attention it feels it deserves, but like last-born children, it’ll be okay in the end (sorry, Zak).

Go go go go go!

YOU ONLY HAVE MINUTES OF JUICE WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS! Close everything you don’t need. Pee later. You can do this!

Oh, but first turn on Spotify. You’re a human, not a productivity robot.