Have y’all heard of Laura Vanderkam’s “List of 100 Dreams” idea? I hadn’t, but I have now, and I love it. It’s like a bucket list, but better. I don’t usually do things like this, but one of my goals for this year was to put myself in unknown situations more, so let’s get uncomfy together. Here’s my list of 100 dreams:

  1. Write this entire list with 100 legitimate dreams
  2. Professional-ish

  3. Create a line of social justice-y greeting cards
  4. Write and illustrate a children’s book
  5. Publish an average of one new book every year after 2014
  6. Keynote a conservative conference/event
  7. Record and release my EP
  8. Translate A Guide to Gender into 5 languages
  9. Perform/speak on every continent (yes, especially Antarctica)
  10. Perform/speak in every U.S. state (yes, especially Alaska — I’ll do a free show if anyone at UofA is reading this!)
  11. Give Ellen DeGeneres a hug
  12. Give away 100,000 copies of A Guide to Gender
  13. Host SNL
  14. Open a vegan restaurant/food truck
  15. Create a fun audio book version of A Guide to Gender
  16. Do my show or give a talk at all the schools I personally attended
  17. Have a book on the NYT Best Sellers List (organically, not by buying my way in)
  18. Collaborate with three different activists on three different projects in a year
  19. Earn enough money to pay all my bills doing Good (and no freelancing)
  20. Appear on a Late Night show talking about something positive
  21. Create and curate an activist/artist retreat collaborative camp thing
  22. Hire someone to read [and respond to most of] my email
  23. Write a column for The New Yorker
  24. Speak at Creating Change
  25. Launch The Business Card Project
  26. Serve on the Board of some cool national organization I love
  27. Publish a piece in The New Yorker print
  28. Translate the Genderbread Person into at least 7 more languages
  29. Shift my income to be primarily from writing (not speaking/performing)
  30. Work less than an average 14 hours a day in a year
  31. Make a documentary inspired by and following the development and reaction to Jackand/orJill
  32. Publish a book of poetry and prose
  33. Tell jokes on Comedy Central
  34. Get a studio space that I can share with collaborators
  35. Teach at a university
  36. Finish writing a novel
  37. Go one week without receiving any hate mail or hate campaign related garbage
  38. Write and produce an off-broadway show (or produce one of the ones I’ve already written)
  39. Create a social justice conference
  40. Give a talk/performance in a language other than English (German, Russian, Portuguese, or French)
  41. Write a screenplay
  42. Create and sustain jobs for at least two wonderful, passionate people for a year
  43. Convince people “social justice comedian” is a thing, and that it makes perfect sense
  44. Personal-ish

  45. Build a house for myself
  46. Learn French and Portuguese
  47. Yoga with regularity and consistency
  48. Paint a mural in Austin
  49. Become 100% debt-free
  50. Cook for friends on a regular basis
  51. Halve my possessions once more, for the last time (probably)
  52. Pay someone to do my taxes
  53. Get my PhD
  54. Find a secret place in the world where I can escape and sabbatical (and tell no one)
  55. Attend a culinary school academy type thing
  56. Brew my own beer
  57. Get a Rhodesian Ridgeback puppy and love it to death (after she’s lived a long, happy life, of course)
  58. Drink more wine, more tea, and less coffee
  59. Learn to be less afraid of money
  60. Fund a scholarship for students “who otherwise would not consider higher education an option”
  61. Get surgery on my eyeballs so I can see better
  62. Actually live in Hawaii for at least a little bit, if nothing else but to confirm my theory that I’d get island fever despite all the wonderfulness
  63. Get braces or whatever is necessary to straighten my teeth so I can chew better
  64. Grow a garden
  65. Build a motorcycle
  66. Develop a family of friends in Austin, or wherever I live next
  67. Live abroad for at least six months
  68. Continue finding healthy ways to mitigate the stress of this life I’ve chosen and go a year without asking for permission to smile
  69. Experiential

  70. Spend a month with no contact with any other human beings
  71. Spend a month touring performing/speaking every day
  72. Spend a month following the 253 vows of the Vinaya
  73. Swim in the Sea of Stars in the Maldives
  74. Fly in a helicopter
  75. NYE in NYC
  76. St. Patrick’s Day in Dublin
  77. Scuba dive the Great Blue Hole
  78. Recreate the road trip around the great lakes I did when I was 16 (including seeing a movie at the Cherry Bowl drive-in)
  79. Surf the cliffs of Moher
  80. Go on a safari and shoot a rhino (with my camera)
  81. Read Anna Karenina
  82. Ride a train from Austin to Mexico City
  83. Visit Flores Island, Indonesia when the Lake of Old People is blue, the Lake of Young Men is green, and Maiden’s Lake is red
  84. Do a backflip out of an airplane (ideally with a parachute attached to me)
  85. Ride in a hot air balloon (ideally in Anatolia in Turkey)
  86. Go to the Sasquatch Music Festival
  87. Visit the Great Pyramids and the Sphinx
  88. See Zhangye Danxia in China
  89. Buy a van/bus/station wagon and live/work out of it on the road for a while
  90. See Flight of the Conchords live
  91. Climb Mount Roraima
  92. Literally walk 500 miles to see someone I love
  93. Go to Burning Man
  94. Swing on the “End of the World” Swing in Baños, Ecuador
  95. Ride an elephant, ideally one named “Bubbles” (but I’m not picky)
  96. Spelunk the caves of Hang Ken in Vietnam
  97. Walk from the Shire to Mordor (or, rather, the real-life places in NZ those locations were shot in)
  98. Oktoberfest in München
  99. Walk the Tunnel of Love with a коханець in Klevan, Ukraine
  100. Experience zero gravity, ideally in space
  101. See Mike Birbiglia live
  102. Attend the World Cup
  103. Visit the Himalayas and a Zen Buddhist monastery in the region

That’s it. That’s a lot. If you want to make any of these dreams a reality with me, or have a tip/inside track for one, I’m all ears.