I just got back from watching the new Hunger Games flick. I cried 15+ times in 146 minutes and left the theatre fired up to burn down the establishment. You should see it. I also went alone. And that’s not how you’re supposed to do that thing. But if you’ve never done it, do it. Even if just once.

It’s an important experience, even if it seems silly. Here’re my tips for making the most out of it.

  • The teller who sells you your ticket “for one” will give you a look like she’s never seen someone seen a movie alone. She has, she’s just having the same knee-jerk judgmental reaction to you being alone that your subconscious is having to you being alone: it’s wrong. Throw them both off with a big grin and by saying “Yep, just the one. I’m the one. No friends with me, no fam, not meeting anyone inside. I’m alone. All by myself. And I’m going to watch the sh*t out of this movie.”
  • Then get popcorn. Not because you’re alone, or for any special reason. Just because popcorn is awesome.
  • Get there early enough to get the absolute best seat in the theatre. About a third of the way up the main section, dead center, just you and your popcorn. You own that space. People are going to ask if you’re saving the seats beside you. You’re welcome to save one for your popcorn.
  • Everyone will start filtering in and the lights are on and they’ll all see you and you’ll start to feel like your own little Truman Show. You will be tempted to whip your phone out and keep your mind busy. Don’t do that. No! I said don’t. Turn on airplane mode and put it away. Search your feelings, Luke.
  • The lights will dim for the previews and you’ll start to feel anonymous. There will likely be some trailers for movies where they show all the super hilarious parts. This is when you’ll have two options: (1) sink into that anonymity in the dark, enjoy the movie in silence, and roll out, not particularly stoked; or (2) fulfill that promise to yourself and watch the sh*t out of this movie, starting by giving into the hilarity of the “show all the funny parts” movie trailers. LOL, but for reals.
  • The movie is about to start. Shhh!
  • Laugh, groan, shriek, and watch the sh*t out of the movie. If there’s one of those “nuh uh!” moments where you’d normally turn to your fellow movie goer and be all “nuh uhhh!” do that. Just, to a stranger. Or your popcorn. “That snack isn’t the best.” Nuh uhhhhh!
  • Every time you laugh, you’ll be more aware of your laughter than you’re generally aware of your laughter. This is great. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant (sorry, Luke, that quote may not have worked here).
  • The movie is over! Congrats! Give your popcorn bucket a greasy high-five.
  • Don’t stick around through the entire credits or anyone else who sticks around through the entire credits will think you’re there to murder them. Haha! Kidding. We’re past that, aren’t we!
  • Hold the door for a few strangers on the way out. It’s polite.
  • Then write a Facebook status about the movie and leave out the part where you were alone and then add that in a comment and experience the judgment all over. But now you’re okay with that, aren’t you?

  • Then go home and blog about it.

Boom. You just experienced some life. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed eating popcorn tonight.